Ike Lasater

Mediator, Trainer, Coach

Ike Lasater

Collaboration Through Connection

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Collaboration grows out of connection. Because connection (and thus collaboration) is ephemeral and cannot be coerced, we get lost when we think we can get what we want in the world by forcing others to bend to our will. Therefore, whether we are parents, leaders in our community, team members at work, political or military leaders and actors, attempting to get what we want by imposing our will does not give us the results we want in the end. By using force, we perhaps can get someone to do what we want them to do, but we can’t get them to do it for the reasons we want them to do it.

And so I return to this concept of connection, from which comes trust and from trust, collaboration.

Connection begins with myself, without which I’m not able to connect with others. So it follows, that, at the first indication that I’ve become disconnected from myself, I want to focus my attention on reconnection. There are a number of strategies you can use to create self-connection and in later posts I will discuss those strategies, as well as how to become quickly aware when you have become disconnected from yourself.

Similarly, at the moment we discern disconnection from another, I suggest immediately shifting our focus to re-creating connection. This connection with others, whether they are friends, partners, children, co-workers or strangers will give you a better chance to get what you want in the present moment, and on a larger scale, create what you want in the world and have the impact that you want. It is this connection that is the gateway to true collaboration.

(Read more about the power of connection in my book From Conflict To Connection:Transforming Difficult Conversations into Peaceful Resolutions, the latest in the Mediate Your Life series, A Guide to Removing Barriers to Communication

 

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An Operating Manual for Our Time

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We are not given an operating manual for our lives when we are born.

This was strongly brought home to me recently as I held my two newest grandchildren, born within two weeks of each other. Aside from the basics of filling their diapers, nursing, crying and sleeping, they have to learn everything else.

There are many unconscious processes that must mature as the child grows into adulthood. As biological beings, all of these processes have evolved since the first spark of life. We have not only been evolving as biological beings, but also as thinking idea machines. Richard Dawkins used the term “memes” to refer to these bits of culture that multiply by spreading from mind to mind.

We humans have learned by these evolutionary processes to cooperate and collaborate. In each generation, we are at the learning edge of our expanding envelope of awareness and understanding. We have learned to cooperate within a group, but always in reference to “others” and “outsiders,” hence the truth of bromides like “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

Over the recent millennia, humans have looked to religion to explain the world in which we live and how to conduct ourselves. And before that, the more obvious and distinct forms of myth and storytelling provided some guidance. Now, we are in a new era where we are able to winnow out, using the scientific method, myth and superstition.

Now, we are facing challenges that do not have an in-group and an out-group. Challenges such as climate change and, I would argue, religious fundamentalism.

In this blog, I will explore what I would include in an operating manual in this new era, when cooperation and collaboration are essential to continued human existence.

 

Choosing Peace and our work featured in The Yoga Journal

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sleep_268_14_siddhasanaIn his new book with John Kinyon, Choosing Peace: New Ways to Communicate to Reduce Stress, Create Connection, and Resolve Conflict, scheduled to be released on the International Day of Peace, Ike Lasater, co-founder of the Mediate Your Life training company with Kinyon and a co-founder of the Yoga Journal, provides tools for choosing peace (and avoiding stress and violence) in our daily conflicts. In fact, with the help of Lasater and Kinyon’s advice, you might not be involved in many “conflicts” at all.

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The Humanist Magazine on our book Choosing Peace

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The Humanist Magazine has great things to say about our book Choosing Peace in the January/February 2015 issue:

BY RICK HELLER • 22 DECEMBER 2014

Nonbelievers frequently debate the best way to communicate our ideas. Some think that a brash style is the most effective way to get attention. Others believe that a softer approach is the best way to change hearts and minds.

For those seeking to apply the softer approach, a useful technique is called “nonviolent communication.” Pioneered by the psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, NVC avoids rhetorical violence and seeks to de-escalate conflict. Ike Lasater and John Kinyon, associates of Rosenberg, have written Choosing Peace: New Ways to Communicate to Reduce Stress, Create Connection, and Resolve Conflict as a manual to help readers put these techniques into practice.

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Mediate Your Life PK New Haven Nov 2012

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PechaKucha Night is an event that celebrates creativity and innovation. It was founded by designers in Tokyo as a way to share ideas succinctly and creatively, using 20 images shown for 20 seconds each. In this clip, Ike tells about his journey from being a trial attorney to creating an innovative training program used around the world to mediate conflicts (2012)

Ayeish

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On a recent trip to Turkey, Ike collaborated with the nonprofit Aeyish, whose mission is to deepen the ability of political leaders to transform conflict into solution and connection. This video highlights the work they did with leaders of various Syrian groups (2016)