Hate never conquered hate, only love conquers hate
-Buddha
We all face conflict of some kind on a daily basis- be it inside ourselves, or with loved ones, colleagues and strangers. Very often this conflict creates feelings of anger, hatred and tension, which has both harmful mental and physical effects. If we are going to make the transition from hate to love, it’s not just a question of deciding to do so. The work that is required to attain the love Buddha describes begins with connection with and empathy for ourselves.
Focus First on Connection
My work evolved from Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a communication framework created by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg that is based on the notion that all humans share the same, basic needs, and that each of our actions are a strategy to meet one or more of these needs. My work also draws from dispute resolution, meditation and mindfulness, spiritual and wisdom traditions, contemporary psychology and brain science. No matter the format or context of what I do, I focus first on connection.
At the core is the premise that by really listening to, understanding, and thus connecting with the other person’s needs, you are more likely to be heard yourself, and more likely to create connection, and out of that connection, create collaboration that results in mutually satisfying outcomes.
Learn the Skills of Connection
Whether I am leading a workshop or working with individuals, I teach innovative processes to increase your capacity for empathy so that when triggered, you can overcome the body’s natural “fight-flight-freeze” reaction to difficult conversations. You will practice and fine-tune your verbal skills so that you can respond to your colleagues and family with more confidence in challenging and stressful circumstances, and begin to learn to approach conflict as an opportunity for connection.
You will also learn tools of self-care that will support your resilience as you learn to navigate conflict and find new ease in your life and relationships.
As you learn these skills of connection, you will shift out of hateful and blaming thoughts about others, thus increasing your capacity to get closer to that ideal the Buddha described.
I have offered trainings in 20 countries in North and South America, Europe, Africa, Australia and Asia, including post 9-11 Pakistan and have seen the power of this approach to bridge divides, where none seemed possible.